I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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