Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can text with my tongue
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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