We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
