I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize