I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
