think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can't motorboat a personality
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
