Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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