Sry I called you an 8
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
