Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
