She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ttyl tear gas
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
