I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
