Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
