defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
