Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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