now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
