i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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