Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
