it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this will be a night to untag.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
