next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
