hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
