he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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