You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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