I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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