I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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