you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
