Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
