I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
