Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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