You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
