I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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