I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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