What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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