My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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