I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
