I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
