similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
