She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
