Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
