i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
