I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
