Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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