If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
