Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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