Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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