My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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