does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
