No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
