I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
