i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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