i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
