So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize