I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
