the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
