Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
