Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
