last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
