You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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