he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
