my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
