also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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