$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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