I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
