Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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