I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
