BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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